Flowers

sometimes it's flower photos.

Mrs. Dalloway, WOOLF, #4

The final entry for Mrs. Dalloway from my college notebook, 1992.

"There is always this conversation or that thought of a great distance between people no matter how close they are. No one

really seems to know each other, barely ever making connections, with each other. The most intimate relatins seemed to have

been during Clarissa's & Peter & Sally's youth. If for Clarissa to be her complete self she had to have a party with each person's

definition of her making her complete that theory is supported when Peter remembers (p152) Clarissa saying "that to know her,

or anyone, one must seek out the people who completed them." & therefore she can say "she felt herself everywhere" A piece of

her was in each person she knew & all the pieces were put together when she had a party. But outside of her parties it was

impossible for anyone to truly know her. (p174) Clarissa's parties now however don't bring the same pleasure to her as they

once had. "These triumphs had a hollowness" in her because even though all the people that made her into who she is were

there was not enough, even though "she loved it & felt it tingle & sting". She was defined from the outside & was "hollow"

inside. (p184) It seems to me that her "hollowness" not solidifies but "her body burnt" from the news of Septimus death at

her party, it changes form. & Septimus's way of winning over Bradshaw & Holmes &

being like how he viewed his wife, a bird, flew out the window. (189) "People understand without things being said" Is this an

inner bonding between people without words - so that the connections are not on the surface. This is Sally's thought here but

also Richard Dalloway has the same one when he was going to tell Mrs D he loved her. I think it's how people do connect

through-out the book, because they never really say what they're thinking & overall this novel seems to me to be like an

impressionist painting the amount of info each character tells us just gives us an impression of the situation & what each

character sees is his/her impression from which they have a thought. Like an object depends on the way the light hits it, the

changing lights, the people differ, changing views. "

Mrs. Dalloway, WOOLF, #3

The change from talking about Spetimus & Lucrezia to Mr D & Lady Bruton was difficult for me to follow. For a page & a 1/2 (102-3) I had no idea who or what was happening. Now we're getting everyone's thoughts at once at L. Bruton's luncheon. All that build up of Mr. D's thoughts, the flowers, he was going to tell Clarissa he loved her & then by no surprise he doesn't but it was disappointing. "it is a 1000 pities never to say what one feels" says Mr. D "but he could not bring himself to say he loved her." Mr. D can feel unlike Septimus & he feels happiness. Mrs D gets depressed then happy bec. she knows why she was down & we learn she loves life every minute of it, each new event, each day, each party but Miss Killman then contradicts everything that Mrs. D was thinking. It seems she thinks D. is shallow a "Fool! Simpleton!" But its Kilman who is so unhappy, who has had this miserable life in poverty, her only value is her education. it seems neither one thinks the other has a clue about life, its meaning, I can't tell who is better or right or are both one has a thorough education of history & works, the other her art of throwing parties, enjoying life -- or are they both lacking & together form the complete woman? it says that Miss K is love & religion (according to Clarissa) is it possible that each character is an allegory - a personification of an abstraction? in class we said that we don't know the reasons for the characters actions & the same is true of allegories? So earlier it says Proportion = Sir Williams, Conversion - Reiza & L. Bradshaw, maybe love adventure = Peter Walsh & now religion = Miss K. Dr Holmes = Humor Nature. each is a feeling? maybe not. I'm confusing myself - it just seems that each person is somehow incomplete, not knowing or doing something & but all together form a unity. Miss K feels sorry for herself, the worst thing to be I think. - but she says "I don't pity myself." ! but everything she says/thinks sounds like she does. ok maybe it's not self-pity but weakness. the way Elizabeth enjoys being free, the beauty in nature, etc. I don't think Miss K could ever see those things in the same way as Elizabeth. I like the parts about Septimus & Reiza best, they make the most sense & are easiest to relate to for me.

It's scary how easily Septimus slips in & out of reality, to a second of happiness, to the loneliness & unedning search & philosophizing. He has the most wonderful images of Reiza like "all her petal were about her. She was a flowering tree" & she will win over Homes & Bradshaw & "he could feel her mind like a bird".. etc. How could he not be in love w/ her as was said earlier?! I don't understand. Is Sept dead? ! Oh no.

Mrs Dalloway #2

(I am wondering if I were in college if I would blog such notes. On the other hand I feel like this exercise is a learning process on how to write again. It is similar to the first semester of graduate school for the MFA too, writing about the texts and understanding theory. Oh and for here this blog, it gives more information about Mrs Dalloway without reading the book haha and maybe it's more interesting to see the background noise of writing than reading the finished paper. it is a blog after all and i love low fi. )

" Septimus remembers seeing Miss Pole "walking in a green dress" (p85) Mrs D is also fixing a green dress last time we saw her. I wonder if that's important showing another link between the 2. & Reiza & Mrs D both say the hat matters most. Poor Septimus is struggling to find a reason why he can't feel, wanting to feel but just cannot. the miserable "war had taught him" & now I think he's stone cold the happiness in the world but at the same time he sees things other don't -- he knows "loathing, hatred, despair" from the war. from readin & his own reasoning. Some passages seem like characters thoughts but they don't say he/she thought etc. so i am unsure if they belong to a character & they are separate paragraphs so are they Woolf's thoughts on the subject. For ex. p.89 "one cannot bring children into a world like this.. perpetuate suffering... no lasting emotions, but only whims & vanities..." it doesn't say "Septimus thought" but can I assume it's him b/c it does seem to fit with him & would make sense he should not want kids when he sees the world as miserable place & horrors of war & w/ no feeling. & people as unkind only for the "pleasure of the moment" "the happiest man in the world & the most miserable" I believe is a perfect summary of Septimus. at one more moment he sees all the beauty in the world, the trees, nature, happiness but yet he cannot feel it & knows the flaw in humanity, rather their limits & mortality. But by not feeling, Septimus maintained his sanity in the war but the same not feeling deterioriates him now. He knows & can't feel. "they desert the fallen" Now they've given up on him, he's alone (p92) Holmes is a moron. I don't understand proportion = Sir Williams. he "secluded her lunatics" England's that is thereby deserting Septimus . same image. but who is conversion - Reiza & Lady Bradshaw who both have given up their individuality to their husband, to help & maintain his existence? & how can they put Septimus in a home to deteriorate more but they say to get him fat & healthy"


now i really want to reread Mrs Dalloway. I tried a while ago after I started the blog and thought it was a downer, contrary to my memory which thought it was about planning & having a party. maybe these notes will help or rather confirm that feeling more specifically. it feels timely with the devastating news from norway paralleled with the dead rockstar. maybe studying mrs dalloway helps.

Mrs Dalloway

...in the process of moving my stuff from my parents house. I had most of my stuff but there's still some memorabilia and assorted art work and notebooks and stickers and snowdomes that i had to put in boxes for the final move out.

Anyway, I am terrible about throwing things away. And like to SAVE things. And one is my notebook from my first English Literature class that I took for my English major and in it I found notes about Mrs Dalloway after which this blog is named. They were written in 1992, when I was 20.

I am rewriting them here. in a series of 4 posts. I think of it as drawing another drawing that was from an object.

MRS DALLOWAY, WOOLF #1

"HOW SIGHTS FIX THEMSELVES UPON THE MIND"

I think this is a very impt statement. It almost surmizes everything happening in the story. The people (Mrs D, Peter, Septimus - especially) all are looking at different things but thinking briefly of what they see & then of random things but thinking briefly of what they see & then of random things on their mind in their life what's going on. Except Septimus he's blankly transfixed only on what he sees & then what they have seen in the past sticks in their mind & they'll see something new to remind them of the sight in the past.

1. I feel slightly confused as I read Mrs D because of all the imagery & metaphors that Woolf puts in - as if I miss the meaning in most of them. It's a bit difficult to follow at times - who's thinking what & which he/she the thinker is referring to. But overall I like the story & think it's interesting all the different views & thoughts of the characters Woolf puts in. & the gradual changes she makes like how when Peter is in the park we get his thought & then it naturally flows into Lucrezia's back to Peter's again.

2. (p22 But they beckoned - the leaves? the sights he saw or his eyes?) p 47 "It was all over for her. The sheet was stretched and the bed narrow. She had gone up into the tower alone and left them blackberrying in the sun." I just don't understand this at all!

3. p22 "leaves were alive; trees were alive. And the leave being connected by the millions of fibres with his own body, there on the seat, fanned it up & down; when the branch stretched he, too, made that statement." I like how he becomes between nature and his own being. like he's at one with nature. an interconnection.

4. It gets most confusing when, ok, I know it's Woolf telling the whole story but sometimes we get a persons thought & actually hear what they're thinking but then there's no quotes ever used when they say "I" it's like Woolf is also saying "I" herself so it seems that she feels what the character feels & - what else - sometimes betw a characters descriptions there's their thought & then Woolf's thought & to differentiate them. oh this is a minor example on p27 "let me tell you" who is saying it? is it Woolf talking to the reader or Mrs Dempster's thought? Although I think it's interesting how she flip flops betw these thoughts I find it confusing /frustrating at times.

As I look back at each image I highlighted, there seems to be something in common with all of them, they're hiding something -- p14 "like a cloud.. veil like upon hills", "a snow blanket.." p25 (eternal suffering" p30 a diver plunging while the sea darkens". & then for brief hair of a second Mrs D ALMOST has complete understanding of it p32 "a sudden revelation.. it split its think skin" giving "an inner meaning almosthttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif expressed". As she uncovers something & understands As complete meaning & they keep referring to loneliness & suffering Mrs K's when she thinks of Richard w/ Lady Bruton p47 "I am alone forever" & p58 "the solitary traveller" they're scared to be alone & tired of suffering & Lucrezia is suffering (she is alone) & her husband is scared "he did not want it.. that eternal suffering that eternal loneliness." Lucrezia asks herself "why should I suffer" & they argue about suicide. I think it all has to do w/ death. p69 "beauty that was the truth now" after all the pain & p39 "the world saying "that is all" & "fear no more says the heart" The 1st quote is from Septimus, the2nd Mrs D. they echo each other, like it's not pain. I'm not sure I'm getting anywhere I almost have it though - or is that the point. Too confused. "Why could he see through bodies, see into the future"

mmm fruit

so round

so procrastinating

looking through the archives for videos for the demo reel
yay for photos
but still figuring out this posting to the blog
if you click on the image, it is clear, but in the post it's blurry.
tbc
g'night

image test

i want the large photos in my blog not the small ones and this is a test

edit: ok it was the code for s400 changed to s800 and now i have clear images. all done editing posts and reposting. :)

Silence, why it can't be lent

Twilo likes the sink

so cute


dealing with stuck points it's usually better to work through it or walk away for awhile but definitely not worry. worrying is a waste. patience.

KITTENS!

Spring Flowers in West Philly

Suburbs & Mother's Day

Self-care Sunday

But it's Wednesday!

Food journal - Wednesday 5/4/11

1/2 banana

take out cat poop and walk to work

One multigrain bagel

keurig koffee columbian

Homemade oatmeal cookie from a co-worker

Mixed greens and 1/2 avocado with Annie's goddess dressing

Coffee from Capogiro with Milk and raw sugar

Pequea Valley Yogurt Raspberry

Brown rice, shitake mushrooms with soy sauce

Seven oreos and two episodes of weeds from season two

Organic spinach and organic tofu salad with dressing (maple syrup, apple cider vinegar, olive oil, dijon mustard) and fennel seeds

1994

from my first painting exhibition, at Cafe Feedwell, Melbourne, Australia 1994

titles of paintings:

cooling clouds

spinning infinity

eruption

metamorphosis

growing

colliding globules

brewing winds

untangling chaos

focus

oozing goo

"My paintings are beginning to explore how different colours work together when describing swirly shapes and movements. I am also interested in the difference between intentional and non-intentional happenings within my work. Most of all I want the viewer to find excitement in their colour and enjoy them!"

Art break!

Mail art! I just stuffed certificate #4 in an authentic water bottle from Plastic Fantastic along with PLAY stickers and am sending it as mail art in response to this request. PLAY along hehe and tell 'em I sent ya.

self-care sunday

as a video challenge to myself i plan to re-enact this one minute of video from legally blonde.

here's a youtube vlogger i found giving it a go, sort of


inspiration, tina fey as sarah palin



i burned out thursday from the stress of the changes in the office and made this a very quiet, relaxing and productive weekend in philadelphia. i feel my strength coming back for new and exciting challenges!

Rewind Fastforward

In response to basketball's March Madness, an art blogger is running Art Madness. Its existence was brought to my attention by a tweet then its dubious contents were further highlighted by attention from other artists I follow on twitter. What bothers me the most about it, is the question.

March Madness is according to howstuffworks.com:

" is a phenomenon that grips the national sports psyche from the first week of March through the first week of April. March Madness is the moniker that is given to the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) Men's and Women's Basketball Tournaments. These tournaments determine the national champions of college basketball."

Art Madness this year according to the art blogger is "What’s the greatest work of art that’s been made since World War II? ". Note of the 64 works of art selected by esteemed art professionals, 3 were by women.

Using the hype method around basketball to gain hype and interest in art is an interesting strategy. Art and sports metaphors resonate for me. I especially like Bad at Sports as you probably know from reading this blog. From reading Mind Gym, I like to use sports comparisons for issues around failure, talent, and goals.

If this strategy were employed well, the Art Madness question would be different. The parallel art world question in the USA would be have to liken itself to the question of basketball: what college basketball team is going to be the national champion of college basketball. To pose a similar question of the USA art world, perhaps a literal direct correlation would best, using MFA thesis shows as they are still in the academic setting and at the same career level as the basketball players; exhibition against exhibition using the previous years thesis shows to make the madness come to life.

Goodbye Tuesday Assignment #70

Goodbye Jealousy.

Goodbye Expectations.

job applications

dear blog

i applied for one advertised position on february 23 which i learned of from a friend and i applied for one advertised position today 3/9 which i found doing a search. one was for a non-profit community development organization, one was for a museum. both i would like a lot.

i also am now the proud owner of the book The Artist's Guide.

ok see it's possible to keep pursuing the dream.

also my department at my part-time job is being made obsolete. they have been given FOUR MONTHS to fade out the business and the full-timers are getting counseling on finding new work and negotiation of the departure and how to fade out the business and contact vendors and the like. despite it all people are moody but coping well i think. i hope to remain optimistic during this time and looking for a job more suitable to my skills, experience and interests. it's possible, right?

bye

new colors

paid work / career

hello blog

you are going to serve as my benchmark in productivity towards finding work teaching art at the college level. it's a super competitive career goal. but that can't stop you from trying. i have a resume and a cover letter. it's time to send them. it's busy around here planning art projects and working and making art and sucking up the tax preparation demands but once this passes it's a no holds bard (is that the right phrase? ) and give it your best and at the end of the year decide a new direction if need be but it's time to give it a go. and not just in saying it but doing it.

ok that is all.

currently in the middle reading this: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/27/magazine/27armstrong-t.html?pagewanted=3&_r=1 and interrupted for this blog post.

it's a crazy world out there.

kitten interference

that time of the year

admin and organizing and preparing. in doing so, i found these gems from the group exit strategy meeting with two respected faculty at my mfa program. i found the meeting helpful. i made notes as the meeting progressed and of my own ideas. i'm posting them to inspire myself to stay motivated for the job hunt and perhaps inspire a reader or two. plus i like the doodles.


99 if you are reading this, please send me an email, i lost your address and andrew wants to be in touch with the records for lets play nice!

Some love for the Midwives Collective

midwives collective 2007
feeling good about growing up - fgagu






midwives fundraiser - watermelon performance. i had a dozen watermelons. cut them in half and served to be shared with many spoons.





plastic fantastic 2007 the first iteration







growing love by christiana kugel




the let go by jenn rockwell








Last night Art in City Hall met and I felt some love for the past work of the Midwives Collective which I was a co-founder though no longer a member. Midwives Collective Gallery was the first space for the beginnings of Plastic Fantastic, pre-dome days. Above are highlights of shows I loved.

NORMAL PARENTS DEBUT

Vito Acconci - Centers (1971)

internet video documentation of normal parents debut internet video performance